Turns out, knowing all your shit doesn't fix your shit.
By age 33, I’d spent a decade trying pretty much everything I could get my hands on that might help me.
When I was 23, I had to. I couldn’t just stick around with an obsessive need to be thin, or anxiety symptoms that made my hands cramp up so much I couldn’t work.
And while that work helped me feel okay with fat on my hips and I stopped having such bad anxiety attacks…
There were still things I needed help with at 33. I couldn’t just stick around with self-critical thoughts that were sabotaging my relationship and making me stay small in my work and what I wanted to DO.
In that decade of healing, I came across many tools and modalities, from mindfulness therapy to Tantra, group workshops to plant medicine.
They were all amazing and gave me a good foundation.
But I also started to feel like I KNEW a lot about my patterns, and even had some tools, yet somehow I still felt stuck.
I knew why I was anxious.
I knew about my anxious attachment.
I knew why I felt the exhasting need to be beautiful and charismatic and perfect.
I knew why I felt vulnerable around impressive people.
At least, I thought I did.
Turns out there were still some parts of me that needed help.
Those parts were tense. Contracted. Fearful. Preferred to stay small and out of sight.
In all that decade, I hadn’t been able to reach them.
Not in the way they needed.
I knew so much ABOUT those parts. But knowing about them wasn’t the same as being in relationship with them.
They had more to say and more to show me about what was really going on. And what they needed to become free. To exhale.
I hadn’t given them that yet.
Then one of my best friends Elisa said, why don’t you try my IFS therapist? It’s amazing.
She’d also been doing personal work for decades and told me how good it was for her and her relationship.
So I started with her IFS therapist.
And for the first time, I was able to meet THOSE parts. The ones that had hung on with white knuckles for all these years.
There’s a special kind of exhale that comes when those parts get space and caring attention…
Not only did something open up, but I began to operate more from my SELF.
The deepest part of me that’s already full and whole.
Confident. Clear. Patient. Caring. Present.
I began to see how different it is to start a business from my Self, rather than from an anxious part.
How different it is to walk into a room as my Self, rather than from the part that’s worried about what everyone thinks.
And how differently I could meet a stressful situation from my Self, rather than from the fearful part that feels completely alone.
This is the me I began to meet.
And yes, I understood even more deeply WHY those part-driven patterns were appearing. There’s a detective’s kind of satisfaction in that.
But more importantly, I could feel compassion for the parts behind them.
I wasn’t just understanding why they did what they did. I was learning how to help them.
Perhaps you already understand quite a bit about yourself.
You know your Human Design, your Enneagram type, how your mother’s self-criticism became your own inner voice, or how your father’s absence might have something to do with your tendency to people-please.
And you’ve tried a thing or two, also.
Therapy, meditation, books, every video in Teal Swan’s YouTube, plant medicine, courses...
But understanding a pattern doesn’t necessarily mean the parts behind it have received what they need.
As Katharine, one of my IFS clients and a WHOLE SELF gradutate, described it:
“The work happens at the level of the operating system. It’s like the wiring is being looked at, unpacked, untangled…”
This is what we’re learning to do in WHOLE SELF IFS-informed 6-week Group Coaching.
Not just understand ourselves better, but learn how to meet and work with the parts that are still holding on.
The anxious ones. The self-critical ones. The ones that keep us small, even when we know exactly why they’re doing it.
And learn tools to keep working with them, long after the six weeks are over.
WHOLE SELF starts Tuesday, 20 October.
Join us.
In this six-week Internal Family Systems (IFS)-informed programme, you’ll learn how to meet and work with the different parts of yourself, understand what’s behind your patterns, and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.
Rather than just understanding WHY you do what you do, you’ll practise relating to your parts differently, so you can move through life with more clarity, confidence, ease and trust in yourself.
6 weeks · Small online group · Weekly 2-hour sessions · Replays available
When + Where?
We meet on Zoom, with two groups to accommodate different time zones.
Starts Tuesday 20 October
Investment
€350 / US$400 / AU$580 / NZ$690 · Scholarships available
Please reach out if you have any questions! hello@caitlyncook.com
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