my uncharming & profound question
The wind was strong on the Portuguese coast as I walked alongside J and her daughter, K.
This kid fascinated me.
She was only six years old and, in between cute dialogues about little bear stickers and swings, said the most astounding things.
I mean, I wasn't surprised. She was the daughter of J, after all.
But she was so different from the other kids I'd met, nannied and played with...
It's like K wasn't totally from 'here'; parts of her were still in another place — maybe my home, one I'd forgotten.
I drew my hat down a little more around my ears and kept my gait up — get that blood pumping hotly under my cold skin.
J pointed to a cluster of little white flowers vibrating in the wind as we crunched our way along the coast. All three of us crouched low and said "ooh, wow" as we patted and investigated them. J slid her phone out of her fluffy jacket to snap them.
I only had three days with J and her daughter and I wanted to make the most of it.
Especially to discover this little one who had my attention.
Curiosity plucked my strings again so I asked K a question... I thought it was a simple one (that every kid knows their answer to).
I leaned down as we walked so she could hear me over the wind, "K, what do you want to be when you grow up?
She looked at me for a moment as I spoke and then looked ahead at the ground, watching where her feet would fall.
She wasn't very charmed by my question. I couldn't tell if she thought it was either a) a lame question b) a weird question or c) a question she'd never been asked before and it was really something to consider.
Even without her reply, I was already surprised.
We continued to crunch on the naked cliff in our dusty ankle boots, passing by more flowers, succulents and wind-surviving creeper things.
K looked at me simply and said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world,
"Myself."
We kept walking, pressed by the raw ocean wind.
Indeed, it was obvious.
When she grows up, she wants to be herself.
Huh.
I thought I was posing the riddle, but she had the twist.
What else is there to be?
She knows the only thing she could ever become was herself...
The part of me who thought I could (and should) become something other than myself froze for a flash. Seen.
This six-year-old exposed me to myself.
My eyes rested on the setting sun which was now sinking into ocean.
And I realised, that's what I want to be when I grow up too.
Myself.
*
I visited J and her daughter a couple of years later. She continues to be a very astonishing kid who I love to discover again and again. She gets more creative every time I see her. This time I showed her how to make stop-motion movies.
This is the first one we made, which is still one of my faves! (the crumbs!)
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