What the back of your head wants to tell you
You know what you can’t see?
the back of your head.
You need a mirror.
It’s obvious, I know 🙄
But this little fact of the back of your head tells us something: there are things about ourselves we can’t see. We need things *outside* to see them…
This is the back of your head, but it’s also parts of your character, behaviours, patterns, flaws and beauty that you also don’t see.
And for that, guess who your mirror is?
Your beloved. Your mother. Your friend. Your child. Your colleague. The politician. Your neighbour. The weird guy with circles under his eyes. Nature.
They mirror back to you what you don’t see about yourself.
Sometimes they’re telling you directly. Maybe even again and again. “Hey, you keep doing X!” or “You’re very Y!”
And sometimes they’re simply showing you by reflecting *just* what you do.
They’re often late.
They’re a bit judgmental.
They don’t really listen.
They aren’t showing up.
They won’t give you space.
They care too much what people think.
Chances are, even though you hate when others do it, there is a part within you that does that too (this is in what Jung calls aspects in the ‘shadow’). You haven’t yet owned and integrated these parts.
You can often recognise aspects in the shadow by noticing the people that really piss you off or gross you out…
And you can also notice your ‘golden shadow’ in the ones you’re enamoured by…
They are so bold in their creativity.
They show up when they say they will.
They accept you at your worst.
They are abundant.
They show care by listening.
They message back.
Those are also lovely parts of you that you don’t see or maybe aren’t being owned and expressed yet.
So we can identify what’s in our SHADOW — the parts of us we have resisted and put away in our subconscious because they haven’t been accepted.
All parts want to come to harmony (this is a law of nature), so they start to try to get our attention so we can integrate them.
This is very em-powering because these things in our shadow hold power. It’s like the shadow is a big black sack you’re carrying and it’s full of gold and gems (the repressed parts).
When you actually dig inside the shadow and reterieve the repressed parts, you end up with more energy, value, compassion, connection, capacity, peace, expression…
You free up energy, build self-compassion, deepen connections, and enhance your capacity for authentic expression.
You become more yourself and your relationships become more functional, bringing you closer to wholeness and maturity.
This is power.
Retrieving these repressed parts is the work of people who want to become mature and empowered. Shadow work is not for the faint-hearted.
If you’re ready for it, I want to ask you…
Notice one person who triggers you in some way. It can be someone you know personally or a public figure. Maybe they’re intimidating, you judge them, they make you angry.
What is it about that person that is so triggering? Pin point it. Now look and see where in your life you are unconsciously embodying that same traight or energy. You may need to keep this as a curiosity over a few days or weeks to observe yourself. You will find it.
Okay, now…
Notice one person who you think is SO AMAZING. It can be someone you know personally or a public figure.
What is it about that person that is so amazing? Pin point it. Now look and see where in your life you are embodying that same traight or energy. You may need to keep this as a curiosity over a few days or weeks to observe yourself. You will find it.
BONUS:
Ask the people close to you: What do you see in me that you don’t think I see? You can name the ‘encouraging’ stuff as well as the ’constructive criticism’ stuff.
These people can mirror you to yourself…
They show you the back of your head, the stuff you can’t see…
And in the process you’re becoming more em-powered, more whole.
Happy shadow hunting 🪞👹😇⚡️
Caitlyn
Want support to own and integrate parts of yourself so you can show up in your life more FULLY? Your light and your dark hold power.
Talk to me about 1:1 online IFS sessions — this is mindful-somatic parts work that goes deep!
