who’s caitlyn? here’s some intimacy (into-me-you-see)
Maybe you’ve guessed this about me, but I love genuine intimacy — The into-me-you-see variety
When someone reveals something about themselves, or they wear their heart on their sleeves, something in me opens.
There’s a delight, a grace, in getting to know someone’s authenticity... The truth that maybe not everyone gets to see everyday.
I think the same kind of authenticity is found in nature. It’s part of what feels so good to be around the trees that don’t wear masks and the oceans that just lay themselves bare.
Perhaps you’ve been reading my stuff for some time now, or maybe I’m a recent arrival.
But in either case, I want to offer you a little of that into-me-you-see so you can know a bit more about who is this Caitlyn?
So if you’d like to know about the human behind the emails, ISTAs and sessions…….
Come a little closer and see,
I not only love cats, I AM a cat.
I was born in South Africa and was raised in New Zealand from the age of 9. I love both countries, deeply.
As a kid, I was obsessed with Pocahontas. (Have you heard the lyrics of Colours of the Wind lately? It’s f’ing gorgeous)
While working for the government in Wellington, New Zealand, I was diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression, body dysmorphia (I thought I was fat, despite being 45kg) and disordered eating. Because your body is involved in every part of life (job interviews, first dates, meeting the parents, clothes shopping, arriving at the party), not being confident and carefree in my body REALLY affected *everything*. Especially intimacy. This is how I got into mindfulness therapy and Tantra.
I never wanted to explore Tantra or spirituality. But I knew that talk-therapy wasn’t going to cut it — I needed to do more than talk about what was happening, I needed to put new ways of being into practice. So at 23, I leaned in and started googling things like “Tantra for newbies”
My family are what I would describe as fundamentalist Christians. Loving, but there’s little space for what’s beyond the Bible (and strict expectations of how you ‘should’ be).
Jesus was my first boyfriend. I fell in love with him for real when I was 15. It was an innocent, devoted love for 3 years before I started to feel cramped by the church and Biblical rules.
Lying on my bed in London at 18, I ‘broke up’ with God and all things spiritual/religious. Unfortunately I mistook spirituality and religion as the same thing and I threw both out with a vengeance. I later realised spirituality and religion are very, very different.
My Ferrari-brain took over and I became highly, highly academic in my twenties. My intellectualism was a protection mechanism — and like all protective mechanisms, it also became a prison (I have since become a professional break out artist, in so many ways. It’s a good way to describe what I do!).
Without sounding cheesy, going down streets I’ve never been down before and not knowing what’s around the corner lights 👏 me 👏 up 👏
I went to my first ISTA when I was 26. I wanted to leave as soon as I arrived. I was scared and out of my comfort zone, big time. I stayed and it changed my life completely.
Born in March, I’m Pisces with a decent amount of Capricorn in my chart.
When my boyfriend at the time introduced me to iboga, the African plant medicine, I wasn’t so interested in ‘another cool thing to add to my spiritual CV’ 🙄 But on my 30th birthday I agreed to try it because I understood it could help me. I was right. It changed my life.
Gabon, Central Africa was my home for three years. I was there studying the Bwiti tradition, learning about iboga as a spiritual tool and organising for people to come and get initiated.
Standing under the warm water in the shower for a really long time washes stress from my nervous system.
I’m an artist and a writer. My writing is also my art.
One day, I’ll write a book. Maybe a few.
I see a therapist once a week.
There is a non-human limb of my body that is so precious and natural for me. I feel so free, capable and nifty when I’m using it. This limb is called a bike.
I’m getting to an age when I’m not exactly ‘young’ anymore. It’s an adjustment! I’m working on it!
That was fun 😊
Thanks for being curious.
Mm, is there something else you want to know about me?
Or is there something I mentioned you’d like me to elaborate on? Hit reply and let me know.
Of course if I shared something that resonates with you and you want to share with me me about it, please do! I’m so up for that.
And if you’re navigating something similar and want support, talk to me about 1:1 online IFS sessions.
With love,
Caitlyn
