There are no bad parts
(+ why parts don’t budge, even if you want them to)
I understand that you might have a part that…
Criticizes you relentlessly (😩)
Tries to numb you with distraction or addiction (hello, Netflix)
Creates anxiety or perfectionism (nothing is perfect)
Lash out in anger (so no one can get close)
Shut you down in depression or collapse (it feels much simpler in bed)
And you may very well have other parts that really don’t like ☝️those ☝️ parts 🙅🏽♀️🚫
They want to get on with life! They want positive connections with people you love. They want business. They want rest.
It’s natural that a kind of division can form, but the thing is, fighting ourselves tends to deepen the struggle.
Psychotherapists and practitioners across the wellbeing field have discovered another way to relate to it all, one that actually CREATES space and movement in the direction of wellbeing.
It’s something Dick Schwartz brought in through Internal Family Systems:
All parts within you (even the addictive, anxious or shut down parts) are trying to protect you in the way they know how, even when that strategy is causing you pain in some way.
For example,
The inner critic… may be trying to protect you from failure, rejection or shame by pushing you to stay acceptable and safe. I’ll criticise you before anyone else does.
Numbing + distraction… may be trying to give you relief from pain or overwhelm when feeling everything seems too much. A kind of anaesthetic.
Anxiety + perfectionism… may be trying to prevent danger or mistakes by keeping you vigilant and in control. Map it all out, colour inside the lines.
Anger + lashing out… may be trying to protect you from hurt or vulnerability by creating distance or strength. If they’re not near and I feel strong, they can’t hurt me.
Depression + collapse… may be trying to keep you safe by shutting things down when life feels too overwhelming or risky. Nothing can happen when nothing is happening, right?
From an Internal Family Systems view, “there are no bad parts”, just protective strategies, often formed under pressure, trauma or very difficult circumstances.
These parts got forced into these roles long ago when there seemed like no other options. And they stayed there.
Understanding that there are “no bad parts”matters because it helps to STOP treating parts as enemies (you get out of the inner war + “what you resist persists” trap).
By approaching them with curiosity, the protective strategies soften and they get on board with you.
So, you go from “Which part of me is broken?” to “What is this part protecting, and what does it need?”
Internal Family System has some important keys to do this work, which once you experience and learn them, you can practice these keys forever (and share them with your kids, partner, family, colleagues..).
If you’d like to learn these IFS tools and start bringing deeper Self-connection in, join me for WHOLE SELF.
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