Discouraged by war, presidents & cruelty?

[Note: all em dashes (—) are my own, not chatGPT's]

There was a power cut AND a tropical downpour *at the same time* in Gabon 🫠

A surprise break, I flopped off my studio office chair onto my bed. I thumbed IG while I figured out what to do next (and how long do I have, anyway?)…

I’ve curated my IG so it’s inspiring and gives me goood energy.

Mostly it’s hiliarous cats, Teal Swan, lush nature from around the world and spiritual wisdom bombs.

With my head on my pillow, thick, warm rain fell and pooled outside.

Cats… hehe

Teal… ahhhh

and then —

I burst out crying.

PETA ads.

I care about the safety and happiness of humans, but the thing that really gets me is animal cruelty.

So between the reels of limp children carried by their crying parents in Palestine and brutalised Beagle dogs waiting for their next cosmetic insertions, I didn’t slip past how F’d up humans act sometimes.

So, first, I let myself cry. I felt for those animals, I felt for how numb and disconnected those humans are.

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

And the ad worked because I tapped the donate button. As I went through payment confirmation, I had the thought “is money really going to do anything?”

Sort of.

Ever feel discouraged knowing how much ‘bad shit’ is going on out there? 

It’s like trying to mop up the ocean….

We often look ‘out there’ at all the problems and work on the solutions ‘out there’ too.

But there isn’t just cruelty happening out there.  

There’s cruelty happening inside ourselves.

It’s actually the same kind of treatment as those animals, as those kids.

Only it’s within ourselves —

Judgment against the feeling of shame

My white-knuckled need to be valued arm wrestling the feeling of worthlessness

My desire to be liked against fear of being rejected

They throw stones at each other.

They lock each other away.

They have propoganda against each other.

The cruelty that happens ‘out there’ (as seen on dispicable reels) also begins from inside that person.

It all starts from inside.

It all starts from inside.

It all starts from inside.

And about you…

Put goggles on and look at the energy of the war in Palestine-Israel and then turn within and look at war that’s happening within your own system — you’ll see that it’s the same energy.

The form is different. 

The scale is different. 

The funding is different.

But it’s the same energy of war. Cruelty. Fear.

My inside is not so different to your inside or theirs.

We have the barrier of skin that separates us, but our internal oceans are one.

It’s all connected.

And so when you go inside and you begin dismantling your inner war machine (through things like IFS therapy, ISTA or Bwiti initiations)… 

when you begin to bring compassion instead of cruelty to your wounded parts… 

that’s where the healing and peace starts.

It’s a form of activism.

For you and for all of us.

I fully support the organisations that do practical work in the world to relieve and end suffering. But doing only that work is mopping up the tide.

The deeper work starts inside. Inside of YOU.

Lying on my bed, I put my phone down and turned my attention to the parts inside myself that are brutalising and brutalised.

I placed a hand on my heart. I see you.

I continue my inner work… (aka activism)

The thunder continued, but the rain began to patter. Gently, gently. 

Children next door didn’t wait for the sky to stop sputtering, they were already outside kicking soccer balls and testing their volume in the courtyard.

The birds sang again.

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