My hair + other problems
and what to do about them
Some time back, I noticed my hair was falling out once it got to a length of 10-15cm.
And it was doing it a lot! Which meant my hair was getting shorter, but also thinner, month by month 😳
This simultaneously happened to a couple of my friends.
We went on a big health journey to understand what was going on, but in the meantime, our hair kept thinning….
We weren’t enjoying it.
Hair can play a big role in a person’s sense of appearance, identity, confidence and expression, and when it starts to disappear without one’s consent, it can be terrifying and worrying.
As this was happening, I could feel parts within me at times…
Panicking
Focussing on what I’d lost every time I’d look in the mirror
Imagining losing it all
Feeling trapped and out of control
Frustrated that my hair no longer sat like it used to…
Asking, Why me?
I could sense how helpless these parts were feeling…
Sipping chai with my friend who by now had already shed a lot too, our conversation inevitably turned to HAIR.
She spoke about her own experience and said with lightness in her eyes,
“Well, I just have to get more creative with how I wear my hair.”
I sipped my chai.
Yes. Rather than fight it, get creative with it.
And she did, beautifully.
Her new look became a cool tie-back thing with a smoothed middle part. Plus a bunch of other new things each time I saw her…
And she also saw a nutritionist, got tests and exercised to support good chi and happy follicles.
What I was struck by was that she wasn’t denying reality, she was responding creatively to it.
Not collapsing into despair, fighting reality or obsessing over worst-case scenarios….
She was curious.
Flexible.
Open to possibilities.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, those are qualities we often associate with Self (the deepest ‘you’).
This kind of creativity is one of the most powerful ways we can relate to challenges in our lives.
Creativity doesn’t just refer to your paintings and colour palette choices in your living room.
It’s your ability to see and relate creatively when challenges come up.
Deep ‘Self’ creativity means you…
Can acknowledge reality, but you focus on WHAT YOU WANT
Take responsibility for next steps and do them
Ask yourself, given this situation, what do I want to create?
You know you’re in your creative mode because you’re…
Generating something new
Seeing connections that you didn’t see before
Responding flexibly and in fresh ways (rather than predictably)
Allowing for things to unfold and surprise you rather than simply following existing patterns
Seeing the question or the challenge from another angle
Finding a third option
Seeing resources and options that you couldn’t see before
Allowing time for something unexpected to emerge
So, what’s happening in your world? Are you dealing with...
A relationship that feels stuck...
House renovations that are taking twice as long…
A decision that’s hard to make...
Two parts of you pulling in opposite directions...
A pattern you can’t seem to break...
A holiday that isn’t going to plan...
A persistent feeling that keeps dragging you down...
A harsh inner critic...
A child who’s struggling...
Or a body that isn’t behaving the way you’d like it to...
What’s one way you can relate to it creatively?
And for me, I continue to be playful and explorative with my hair situation. And doing some good acupuncture, eating protein and overthinking less…
P.S. For more on living from the Creator mode, check out this article on Victim/Creator roles.
If you’d like help finding a different way to relate to what’s happening in your life, find out about Internal Family Systems (IFS)-informed 1:1 sessions.
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